Ok, Let’s Talk About the Elephant in the Room…By the Way, is He Dancing?

Sayings are sprinkled throughout our daily conversations. Sayings resonate the most when they have reverberated in an individual’s life through their personal experiences. Sayings only identify a situation without offering any specific (if required) solution. Finally, a saying may resonate differently from person to person.

Now, consider this … why is it that we just assume all things, including how we even define sayings, has the same meaning? To better understand one another we must consider that a difference can, and often does, exist in how we define something. According to the Marriam-Webster’s online dictionary, a saying is defined as, “something that is said”. However, the online Cambridge Dictionary defines a saying as, “a well-known wise statement that often has a meaning that is different from the simple meanings of the words it contains.”

First, let us agree that, “the elephant in the room,” is a wise a statement that refers to a person or thing that is obvious to most people that are in close proximity, but no one is comfortable talking about it or acknowledging it. Let us further agree that if it is not addressed the situation will remain uncomfortable and, in most cases, even intensify.

If we can agree on an operational definition of whatever we are discussing, we ultimately have a greater chance of elevating our communication. So, the next logical step is to devise a standard operating procedure (SOP) to initiate that seemingly difficult conversation. You may have a better way and/or phrase to generate a difficult conversation but the one I have used ever since I heard it (from my wife) is, “I need to have a difficult conversation with you… It is not going to be easy for me to say and it may not be easy for you to hear.” That statement (or a similar one of your own design) creates opportunities to break from normal conversation patterns, engage others to pay more attention to what is being said and to take a deep breath! Establishing SOP’s as tools and techniques to address difficult conversations can provide a level of confidence in addressing situations in a respectful and open manner. The tricky part here is that the others involved must understand they are equally as responsible for ensuring the message is understood. Likewise, not communicating will send a message as well, sometimes even louder than a spoken/communicated message.

You may be thinking it is not in your personality to participate in a difficult conversation. If that is the case, what is the potential cost to the working/personal relationship if you do not have the difficult conversation? Like anything else, proficiency increases with practice. So, as the saying goes, “onwards and upwards!”.

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